STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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