Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
