Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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