my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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