Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
