I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
