Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
