I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
