I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You can't motorboat a personality
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
