The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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