we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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