im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just googled if crying burns calories
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
