I want you more than these girls want KFC
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
