I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
