I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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