Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
