I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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