Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
