Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
