Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
