the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
