How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
