I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
