i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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