you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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