I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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