yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
