I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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