I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
