I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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