No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
