where am i from again
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
