I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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