What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
