I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
