Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
