i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
