If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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