Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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