I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
