I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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