I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
