Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
