the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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