I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
