I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
