I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
