I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
