Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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