can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
